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An Overview of The Onion Newspaper's Stories on the US Presidential Primaries

The Onion characterises itself as ‘America's Finest News Source'. To visit The Onion online, click here. To find out more about The Onion, click here, where Wikipedia describes The Onion as a parody newspaper featuring satirical articles. The presidential primaries in the US were recently the subject of a number of stories on The Onion's website.

The first story reported on McCain's victory in winning the Republican vote in the New Hampshire Primary and quoted a number of so-called local residents commenting on this event. According to The Onion, Rebecca Carlson, a systems analyst, said: "If I've ever trusted a state to set the stage for the presidential election, it's the one that leads the country in per capita sales of alcohol." Paul Messner, a chiropractor, said "You know, I'm happy for him. If a guy spends five years getting tortured by the Viet Cong, the least we can do is toss a primary or two his way." The final resident to comment is Thad Cowley, a canvas stretcher, who said "While I agree with much of his policies, I can't, with clear conscience, condone his age."

The second story claims that, according to an Onion poll, for a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008. In a video report, Kip O'Leary, a research analyst, claims that the following four factors are important to the bullshit-conscious voter: a candidate's relatioship with his ex-wife; did they ever smoke; where they go on vacation and their exercise regime. The presenter in the report adds that in the past, whether a candidate is photogenic, and what he or she wears in public appearances, has also been important to the bullshit-conscious voter.

 

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